Toasty vote

My polling place was changed just a few days before the election… to the local Quiznos. I guess Hooters would’ve been too much to wish for. FYI, I voted the straight smoked turkey ticket. And I recommend everyone get their ballots toasted. Makes all the difference in the world.

Uptight Citizen’s Tirade

“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” – Bill Vaughan

“Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” – George Jean Nathan

I’ve never taken the issue of citizenship, abstract or practical, for granted. I’ve voted in every major election since I turned 18. In fact, I worked as a vounteer on a presidential campaign at 18. I majored in Political Science and have been a political junkie my entire adult life. Although I didn’t pursue a career in politics or government, I still believe in the potential nobility of public service.

As citizens living in a free, democratic society, we not only have the right to make our voices heard, but the duty, as well. Democracy is not a free ride, much as we’d like to think it is. It’s not a hazy, abstract concept to throw around like a cheap marketing term. Democracy is organic, interactive and extraordinarily real. Our fundamental rights and freedoms we take for granted can be taken away by our government, or, worse, given away by us through neglect and ignorance. This isn’t just hypothetical; it’s happening right now.

Many people feel they can’t be bothered with politics when they’re already busy with their daily lives, or are turned off by what they see and read in the news. They say, “Why bother?” My answer is, by abstaining from the democratic process, you let someone else make decisions that directly affect your life. And I don’t know about you, but I’ll be damned if I let some stranger make decisions about my life for me.

So, I hope that my fellow citizens exercise their constitutional right on Election Day and make their voices heard. But remember, if you don’t vote, one right you definitely lose is the right to complain about anything that happens next.

I’m Claude, and I approve this message.

Halloween Moon

Happy Halloween!

Pressed for words

I’ve made the move from Blogger to WordPress and I’ve brought my measly posts below.  I feel like I did when I moved on from AOL last century.  Now all I have to do is figure out exactly what I want to do with this blog…

Yo G-Dub, let’s get this party started!

Talk about counting your chickens before they’re hatched: Republicans have had to roll over $20 million from last year’s Pentagon budget designated for a national day of celebration for victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. Gee, I wonder why they haven’t spent it yet. Oh, right, turns out they spent more time planning for the victory celebration than planning for the actual victory. Oops.

I sure hope that money’s accruing interest. Those “Mission Accomplished” banners don’t come cheap. And someone tell the aircraft carrier to keep circling the block. Dubya’s been, um, delayed…

Fox’s faith-based initiative

From the company that brought you such morally redeeming TV shows as “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire” and “The Swan” comes an attempt to reach the alienated Christian movie audience. What movies will Fox Faith feature on their slate? Here are my Top Ten suggestions:

10. “Dude, Where’s My Messiah?”
9. “Jesus’s Twelve”
8. “Adam and Eve Go to White Castle”
7. “Born Again on the Fourth of July”
6. “How the Godless Liberal Grinch Stole Christmas”
5. “The 700 Fight Club”
4. “Evolution’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”
3. “While You Were Sleeping 2: The Terry Schiavo Story”
2. “There’s Something About Mary Magdalene”
1. “The Passion of the Christ 2: Electric Bugaloo”

“The Bodyguard 2″

A silly sidenote to the War on Terror: A woman claiming to be a former sex slave to Osama bin Laden claims that the al-Qaeda leader had, like, the hugest crush on… Whitney Houston. To the point of considering having Bobby Brown killed. Which is his prerogative.

I’ll believe it when Al-Jazeera broadcasts a video from Osama where he lip-syncs “I Will Always Love You”. Maybe we could Whitney as bait. Except if we put her that close to Afghanistan, she’d just make a beeline for the poppy fields, and not even the Special Forces could get her out.

I’m sure he meant to say “Shi’ite”

Yeah, the President uttered a curse word while speaking to Tony Blair at the G-8 Summit, unaware an open mike was recording their conversation. Hey, who doesn’t want to curse when discussing the Middle East? I was more disheartened by his lack of engagement about the whole process. I think peace is going to take something more involved than “Hey, would ya keep that racket down?!”

Unfortunately, this is about the only example of hands-on diplomacy from Dubya. Now this is what the press would focus on if Clinton were still president.

Homeland Insecurity

Good news for anyone worried that Al Qaeda uses your community newsletter’s weekend calendar section to choose its targets: A report by the Department of Homeland Security’s own Inspector General found that “the department’s database of vulnerable critical infrastructure and key resources included an insect zoo, a bourbon festival, a bean fest and a kangaroo conservation center.” On the other hand, the database failed to list Times Square, the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty as national icons or monuments.

Ouch! And I thought Edie Falco getting snubbed by the Emmys was bad. On the positive side, if you’re a kangaroo, you can breathe easy now. Unless you’re in New York City to see the sights.

Putin on the kids

I’m sure many of you have heard about this story about Russian President Vladimir Putin’s recent attempt to get in touch with his inner child. Okay, it wasn’t inner and it wasn’t his. But I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for his behavior and I’ve come up with 10 possibilities:

Top Ten Reasons Putin Kissed That Boy’s Stomach:

10. Forgot to kiss that kid as a baby 4 years ago and is making up for lost time.
9. Clearly somebody slipped Putin some primo Ex.
8. He’s working on his Michael Jackson impression and he can’t moonwalk yet.
7. Desperate cry from a world leader, and launching missiles was already taken.
6. People have wildly underestimated the Catholic Church’s influence on Russian politics.
5. Preparing to pitch his life story to Gregg Araki.
4. Scientology’s P.R. department strikes again!
3. KGB now stands for Kiss Good Boy.
2. Vodka shots at 9 in the morning seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. Fulfilling constitutional duty to go crazy as President, just like Yeltsin.